Mantra

I should’ve died that summer

I should’ve died that summer

This chanting continues

Like heartburn

When I take a step

I should’ve died that summer

When I fold laundry

I should’ve died that summer

When I make mistakes

I should’ve died that summer

You see I am living this constant battle

Between I should’ve died that summer

And

She is loved

She is loved

She is loved

She is loved

This chanting continues

Like waves on the sand

Flowing, continuous

When I take a step

She is loved

When I fold laundry

She is loved

When I make mistakes

She is loved

They say “with brave wings, she flies”

But what they don’t say is

That birds fall

Before.

              They.

                            Fly.

They fall

They stumble

But then

She is loved

She is loved

She is loved

These two mantras

They ring in my ears

And echo in my heart

I have depression

But people always assume

That means I’m always sad

Never happy

That I hurt myself

Well I’ve been there

And I’ve done that

But that’s not what it means

Depression means

In a room full of people

I can feel totally alone

Depression means

That in my own mind

I am chased and cornered and hurt

Depression means

That sometimes

The only way to stop the voices

And the pain on the inside

Is to inflict pain on the outside

But

Depression also means

That when I’m surrounded

By my friends

              By my family

                            By my loved ones

                                          By strangers

I put on a happy face.

Because if I didn’t laugh

I would cry

And who has time for that?